Tagline: Trick or treat, trick or treat, candy is dandy, but murder is sweet.
Back tagline: Dressed to Kill.
Summary: Martha knew there was something evil about the house she was moving into. It was so cold…and creepy. And it wasn’t just the house that was giving her a weird feeling. Martha was sure someone was following her…watching her every move.
Then the practical jokes began – the scarecrow with a carving knife in its head, the fire. And the phone calls: “Trick or treat, Martha…you’re dead.”
It was October, but these were no Halloween tricks. Someone would be coming home this year with more than a bag of treats. And Martha was the prize.
Trick or treat.
First impressions: A book centred around Halloween, what’s not to love?! [Note from the future: apparently everything. I hate this book]. The house is big and creepy and there’s a man at the door who looks suss. I’m into it.
Recap
Let’s start with a roll call:
Martha – Possibly the worst protagonist in any Point Horror book, ever.
Conor – Martha’s “weird” stepbrother who isn’t even weird.
Wynn – Martha’s new friend.
Blake – Martha’s love interest and Wynn’s cousin.
Greg – Martha’s teacher and Wynn and Blake’s cousin.
Elizabeth – Wynn’s best friend who died the year before.
The book begins with our protagonist, Martha, driving with her father through the middle of nowhere to get to their new home. It’s October, Dad has just remarried and new stepmum Sally and stepbrother Conor are waiting at the house them to arrive. Martha is complaining about being forced to move and how weird Conor is and I hate her already.
They arrive at the house and Conor shows her around, including her bedroom which he picked out for her because it’s further from the other bedrooms and he thought she’d like some privacy. This is really nice of him, and Martha shows her gratitude by complaining because it’s SooOoOoo00ooO cold in her new room and she just knows something bad happened there. [I hope something bad happens to her in her new bedroom].
The woods surrounding the new house are part of their property, and after dinner, Martha learns that there might be a cemetery somewhere in the woods, so she complains again [Is it too late to read something else? I hate this bitch already and we’re still in the first chapter. Literally everything that comes out of her mouth or goes through her head is a complaint].
That night, Martha wakes up to a phone call from a heavy breather who tells her, “Look outside. Trick or treat.” Back in her room, she looks out the window to see a man hanging right outside with a knife through his head! Except it’s not a man, it’s the scarecrow from the porch, which a shirtless Conor [sxc] informs the idiot as he dismisses the scarecrow and phone call as a joke. Martha complains some more about the house and Conor accuses her of trying to spoil their parents’ happiness, which is so true, but Martha disagrees and throws her purse at him [Why can’t Conor be the protagonist, he’s so much better than dirty old Martha :(].
The next afternoon, Martha and Conor visit the hardware store in town where Martha befriends Wynn and falls in love with Blake, Wynn’s cousin, who initially thought Martha was someone else from behind. But who? [Who cares].
After dinner that night, Martha takes a stroll around the outside of the house, hears crying and senses something dark within the woods watching her [Ooky spooky!]. She runs back to the house and doesn’t get a chance to tell anyone because her dad is on the phone to his work (he writes for a magazine), who wants him to go to Hawaii on assignment immediately. He’s taking Sally with him so they can use the opportunity as a honeymoon, and guess who goes up to her room and cries about it? Martha of course, because how dare they do this to her? How dare the newlywed couple want to take a honeymoon and leave her behind? [Shut the fuck up]
Now it’s the first day of school and Martha meets Greg, another cousin of Blake and Wynn because everyone in this town is apparently related. Greg is Martha’s adviser at school and will be teaching her creative writing class, which turns Martha on. He turns out to be the highlight of her day, because no one tries to get to know her, which she has the nerve to complain about even though she makes no effort herself.
Wynn catches up with Martha at her locker after school and we learn that all the girls are lusting after Conor because he’s soOoOoooOO00oo0o hot. Martha didn’t give us that impression though, but I’m more inclined to believe Wynn because I hate Martha. Anyway, Wynn is too shy to meet Conor even though she thinks he’s hot and quickly rejects Martha’s offer to come by the house sometime, revealing there was a murder there and the house is evil [Because Martha really needs more reasons to complain. Cheers, Wynn!].
That night, Martha wakes up to something moving around in her bedroom and sees a shadowy figure go into her closet. Before she can complain, Conor bursts into the room because there’s a fire in the kitchen. Apparently someone forgot to turn the stove off and left a tea towel on it, and Martha is super angry at Conor for doing that. Conor extinguishes the fire, and Martha mentions the figure in her room but Conor doesn’t really care [good!] and she storms back to bed after checking and barricading her closet.
At school the next day, Blake asks her to have lunch with him and keeps calling it a date, which Martha creams her jeans over [I’d be disappointed if someone took me on a date to the cafeteria, but Martha deserves nothing more].
Conor comes over to embarrass Martha in front of Blake, and she wants to die [I wish she would!]. When he leaves, Martha wants to know the history of her house and just to be dramatic, Blake leads her to the back of the school field and tells her there.
The Bedfords were rich and the house is as old as the town itself. The last of the family line lived there for the last few years until Elizabeth, Wynn’s best friend, was murdered on Halloween last year. She had been dating a guy named Dennis, but had gotten “tired of his bullshit” [This might be the only swear word in any Point Horror!] and dumped him. Apparently Dennis was a bit of an entitled wanker and would always make someone’s life hell if they ever crossed him. He started stalking Elizabeth and making threatening phone calls to her, telling her things he’d seen her do that day and that she’d never date anyone again [Point Horror boys are always so possessive].
Eventually, Dennis started a fire inside Elizabeth’s house, but luckily the Bedfords caught it in time. He finally murdered her in her bedroom on Halloween after the annual dance. And who’s bedroom is that now? Martha’s, of course! I’m assuming she looks somewhat like Elizabeth, too, and that’s who Blake thought she was at the hardware store, and probably why everyone stares at her at school [Or maybe everyone stares at her because she’s annoying].
Wynn found Elizabeth’s body and police found Dennis’ car in the river with a with a knife in it. The police ruled it a murder-suicide, but Dennis’ body has never been found. Wynn is super forgetful now as a result of the trauma and I would much rather read a book about the events of last year than this one about Martha.
Later, Martha and Conor discuss Elizabeth’s murder and he’s uncertain that Dennis was the killer because there’s no hard proof [And this is a Point Horror so it’s pretty much guaranteed it wasn’t Dennis]. Conor suggests that all the weird things and the discomfort they’re feeling in the house are due to tangible memories, as in the house remembers everything and all the bad stuff was absorbed into the walls. He’s also pretty sure he didn’t leave the stove on the night before, either [Ooky spooky!].
Martha answers a phone call later, thinking it’s Blake who’d said said he’d call her, but instead she’s greeted by the heavy breather who says, “You’re dead, Elizabeth.” Conor comes to the rescues and dismisses it as a joke and of course Martha is shitty about this and storms to her room, only to be drawn from it later when Blake finally calls and asks her to come have pizza with him and his cousins [Squad goals!]. She tells Conor she’s going out for a while and he tells her to have fun, so she slams the door… [I have no idea why she’s trying to get a reaction out of him. He could not be less interested in her life and to be honest, I feel the same way].
Anyway, the cousin squad picks her up and off they go, where it becomes embarrassingly obvious that Wynn is hardcore crushing on Conor and Blake likes Martha too. [Ew, why?] Afterwards, Blake drops her home, but she left her keys inside because she’s an idiot. Conor’s bedroom light is on, but he doesn’t seem to hear her hollering and banging so she goes around the back and spots a pale light moving through her room and then a figure watching her from the window [Is it a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost?].
She returns to the front door and bangs on it until Conor opens up, then forces him to check her room, but there’s nothing there now. For whatever reason, Martha accuses him of being responsible for all the weird things that have been happening [Probably because she’s not used to being called out on her bullshit], but Conor is still nice enough to offer to swap rooms for the night, which she accepts before slamming his own bedroom door in his face [I hate her].
The next day after school, Martha and Wynn take a walk and Wynn reveals she doesn’t remember anything about finding Elizabeth’s body the year before. She believes Dennis was innocent because he loved Elizabeth too much to kill her, and informs Martha that Blake and Elizabeth dated after she broke up with Dennis. The plot thickens! Wynn also confirms my suspicions that Martha looks like Elizabeth, and now it makes sense why Blake wants to date her.
The next day, Martha cuts her last few classes to go with Blake to pick up some decorating supplies from the neighbouring town, Whitley, for the upcoming annual Halloween party. Whitley, which used to be part of Bedford, is where Elizabeth is buried, because the cemetery behind Martha’s house is super old and only has residents from like the 1800s and stuff.
Blake and Martha make out in a barn for a bit [????] where he denies that she reminds him of Elizabeth and says he’s interested in Martha for Martha [Yuck. Blake needs to reassess his life]. After reminding her that Dennis’s body was never found as they pass the cemetery, Blake drops Martha home and she’s mad that Conor isn’t home yet [I need this book to end].
She falls asleep in her room, waking later to find her bedroom light off, even though it was one when she fell asleep, and a figure standing in her now-open closet. When she turns the light on and investigates, there’s no-one there [I’m bored].
There’s another phone call from the heavy breather who calls Martha Elizabeth and asks her if she enjoys being home alone [Oop]. She bolts to the front door, throwing it open to find Conor about to open it from the other side, claiming car troubles as the reason he’s late to come home. She tells him about the call and someone being in her room again, then accuses him of not believing her before he’s even said anything and runs upstairs to her room [This is like the 46875th time this exact situation has happened in the book, oh my god].
A few minutes later, Conor bursts out of her closet. Apparently there’s a secret passageway that leads there from the butler’s pantry [Seems like a weird place to end a secret passage, but alright]. She accuses him of stalking her again, and he accuses her of knowing nothing about him, but her defence is that he doesn’t know anything about her either, so he rattles off a list of all her favourite things and interests and that shuts her up [I hate her sooooo much].
He admits that he feels like something is wrong with the house and that there was some sort of feeling or insistence that originally led him to the cemetery the other night, before he took Martha there. They talk about the fact that everything that Dennis seemingly did to Elizabeth is currently happening to Martha and think ghosts are the culprits, but Martha toys with the idea of Dennis being alive and behind everything.
At school the next day, Greg pulls Martha into his office to discuss her shitty grades and she confides in him about what’s been happening at home. He reveals that he’d heard the house had heaps of tunnels and passages within, even one leading to the cemetery, but admits it’s probably an exaggeration. Greg then asks if Wynn had told her anything about the previous year and he seems super suss now, but I doubt he’s the stalker.
After school, Martha gets some hot chocolate with Wynn and asks her about Elizabeth, Blake and Dennis. Blake loves to win too, and he and Dennis were super competitive and didn’t like each other. Whoever was calling Elizabeth disguised their voice, and Elizabeth never actually saw Dennis following her, so maybe it wasn’t him. And after all, Wynn knows Dennis would never hurt Elizabeth. She believes he killed himself when he found out she was dead [Hmm… my current theory is that Elizabeth wanted to get back together with Dennis, but Blake would rather Elizabeth die than lose her to Dennis, which is extremely likely because this is Point Horror and women are objects to own rather than actual people It’s also probably way too obvious to be the truth, but I guess we’ll find out].
Martha heads back to school to meet Conor and get a ride home, but he’s not there just yet so she goes inside to get her books from her locker. Then someone turns off the lights and she’s pursued by an unseen figure. Martha breaks her arm during the chase before finding Conor outside, who takes her straight to the doctor. She’s adamant someone is trying to kill her and I wish whoever it is would hurry up and do it so I can stop reading this shit.
Wynn comes over the next day and Conor and Martha suss out some more information about last year from her. Wynn knows of some more secret passageways and tells them that Dennis and Blake knew about the one in Martha’s closet. She also suggests that whoever killed Elizabeth could have killed Dennis too, and then she tells them what she remembers about the night of Elizabeth’s death.
Blake and Elizabeth had a fight at the dance and both disappeared. Greg left to find Blake but couldn’t. Wynn then saw Elizabeth leaving with Dennis, and she told Wynn not to tell Blake and that they’d be back soon. Greg was back in the hall chaperoning the dance, and after a while, Blake drove back looking sad and all wet, but Elizabeth never returned. The cousins went to Elizabeth’s house to find her, but there was no answer when they got there, so they broke in and she remembers Blake shouting at Greg not to let her go upstairs, but she did anyway and found Elizabeth’s body. All she remembers after that is the long dark that’s so long and dark, and lasts forever because it’s so long. [Long and dark, in case you missed it. We’re nearly done though, thank fuck. Deep breaths].
Now we’re at the dance, but Conor is at home because he’s sick. While Blake heads over to the food table, Wynn comes scurrying up to Martha in hysterics because she’s pretty sure she saw Dennis watching her! Martha hides her in the bathroom and searches for the boys, but the band on stage announces that there’s a phone call in the locker room for her. When she answer it it’s heavy breather again, who tells her, “There’s no one home, Elizabeth. It’s Halloween… and they’re all dead.” Now Martha is super worried about Conor even though she’s pretty much hated him for the whole book.
The girls find Greg and Blake and they speed off through the rain back to Martha’s house, where Martha bolts upstairs before the others and finds Conor just as the lights go off. She can hear the others downstairs, then suddenly can feel the presence of something/someone else and Conor drags her into a secret passageway and they manage to escape into the cellar. They then hear the voice that’s been calling Martha, and whoever it is starts a fire down there. Finally! Kill her!
Conor is injured, apparently stabbed by the figure earlier when the lights went off, and as the smoke fills the room, Martha manages to find a tunnel in the wall. They crawl through it, and Martha realises this is the “long dark” Wynn was banging on about earlier. The tunnel leads them to the mausoleum from earlier where they find Dennis’ dead body surrounded by candles. Then someone in a Death costume, which Blake was wearing earlier at the dance, jumps out and stabs Conor again, who collapses. And just as Death is about to kill Martha, Blake and Greg arrive and save the day. But who’s in the costume?
It’s Wynn! She was obsessed with Dennis and was trying to scare Elizabeth away from him with the threatening calls and pranks. Elizabeth didn’t love Dennis, so Wynn couldn’t let her have him. She followed them to Elizabeth’s house on Halloween using the secret tunnels, then she lured Dennis to the cellar and through the tunnel to the mausoleum by pretending to be a prowler and knocked him unconscious, then went and murdered Elizabeth [Because boys are more important than friendships!]. Then she returned to the mausoleum for Dennis, but realised she’d accidentally killed him when she knocked him out. It’s made out like Wynn had repressed all this, but the mausoleum is set up as some sort of shrine to Dennis, so maybe Martha’s resemblance to Elizabeth triggered her memory/jealous streak, I guess? Whatever.
Wynn is taken away by police, Conor is taken to hospital, Blake and Martha kiss and the book ends. Finally.
Final Thoughts
I. Fucking. Hated. This. Book.
There were some genuinely creepy moments and the setting was interesting, but it was impossible to enjoy because Martha was just so goddamn insufferable. I feel like Wynn being the stalker/murderer made a lot less sense than it being Blake, but I’m not gonna think about it too much because this book isn’t worth it. Please pray for me as I attempt to block it from my mind :). I have a few other books from the same author but I will definitely not be reading them anytime soon.
I’m giving this 1 first date at the school cafeteria out of 100. NEXT!
