Tagline: Her boyfriend’s back… from the grave.
Back tagline: Sometimes, love is murder.
Summary: Wealthy, beautiful, spoilt Joanna Collier has it all, including her boyfriend Dex. But then she breaks up with him – the gorgeous Shep seems more her type. When Dex dies in a terrible accident, Joanna’s sorry, of course, but it’s not her fault is it? She never loved him anyway -he was just another toy to be used and thrown away. But now Dex is back – from the dead. And he wants one last date with her…
First Impressions: This is definitely one of the most iconic point horror covers, and is one I distinctly remember from its time on library shelves. The cover is cool, and, combined with the blurb, definitely gives off some vintage slasher film vibes but who knows? I’ve heard some mixed things about this one, and you never quite know what kind of journey Stine will take you on but I’m down to find out.
Recap
Roll call:
Joanna – Our leading lady.
Dex – The titular boyfriend.
Shep – Joanna’s back-up boyfriend she’s got waiting in the wings.
Mary – Joanna’s best friend from her old school.
Pete – Dex’s best friend.
We open with our leading lady Joanna at her local mall, pondering whether or not she’s going to go through with her plan, which of course she is because once she sets her mind on something she goes for it:
“Daddy’s little go-getter.” That’s what Sherman Collier, Joanna’s father, always called her. His highest compliment: “Daddy’s little go-getter. She’ll never take no for an answer.”
There were lots of compliments from Dad, Joanna thought bitterly, walking quickly away from the meeting place by the bookstore, crossing the wide aisleway, then stopping. I was Daddy’s girl, “a real Collier.”
Of course, thought Joanna, her smile now completely gone, that didn’t stop him from leaving. That didn’t stop him running off with that cheap-looking redhead.
She tells herself that she doesn’t care that her dad left, because who cares when she and her mum are happy being rich without him? While being bitter about her dad, she’s also being very disdainful of the mall and everyone at it. [She should appreciate that mall while she can] We learn that Joanna is planning to break up with her boyfriend, Dex, so she can be with the more appealing Shep. She stays out of sight of Dex, who’s waiting for her at the bookshop where they’re due to meet, and relishes watching him get stood up, finding her own cruelty both hilarious and admirable. [I think we’ve found a Reva Dalby prototype]
Back at home she chats on the phone with her friend Mary, recounting the evening’s earlier antics, and her plan to string out the break-up with Dex until he gets the hint. Mary, quite rightly, tells her this is mean and that it would be far better to just end things simply and outright. Joanna boasts about her wealth, and her car, and how she’s doing Dex a favour because he will never match up to her. Shep is far better suited to her affluence.
She quickly takes a waiting call from Dex, who is miffed as to why she didn’t show up for their date. She feigns ignorance, and he hangs up on her. Mary tells her she’s being really nasty, but Joanna says it’s funny:
Mary was so simple and nice, and she shocked so easily.
“I’m so spoiled. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?” Joanna said.
Mary finds this, and Joanna’s gleeful tone, gross and says she can’t do this to Dex. They say they’ll talk tomorrow, then Joanna then calls Shep and arranges a date for the next Saturday.
About an hour later she’s woken by Dex, who’s climbed in through her bedroom window. Joanna – rightly so – asks him what he’s doing, and he tells her his friend Pete is waiting outside and they should go for a drive. Dex acts all douchey, saying he ‘flew’ here, and that they should live a little, encouraging her to get dressed, that Pete’s waiting outside and that she should take them out in her BMW. He tells her that she owes him for making him wait in the mall for two hours, and promises he won’t stop by in the middle of the night so often anymore. [Ugh. Shouldn’t be doing that at all, dude]
They drive up to some cliff point [So many of the towns in these books seem to have cliff points] that overlooks the town, and Dex starts walking along the edge and stands on one leg, “ostrich-like.” [Do they do that? Pretty sure Stine is thinking of flamingos]
He then starts hopping and Joanna tells him to cut it out, [He should hang out with what’s-his-face from The Boy Next Door, they seem very well-suited to be besties] but suddenly he disappears over the edge of the cliff. Dun, dun, dun! [And we have a literal cliffhanger]
Joanna calls out for him, at which point he jumps up from a ledge, declaring “Gotcha!” [Ugh, so yeah, we’ve got ourselves a prankster douche] Joanna is understandably angry and he tells her that her reaction proves she cares about him. [So he’s an emotionally manipulative douche, yay!] Pete wanders over, and Dex shows him his tricks while Joanna goes back to the car. Dex ends up falling, Joanna freaks out, and ignores Pete’s pleas for help, then drives away. She can’t ruin her life over Dex of all people. After all, he’s just her rebellion phase, and if people find out what happened her mother will take away her car, and her charge cards! She’ll lose everything! [Alright, calm your tits, love. Pretty sure ignoring serious injury/death is going to be more detrimental than ‘fessing up. But sure, you do materialistic you I guess] She convinces herself that she’ll call 911 when she gets home, but there are some definite vibes that this is not true. Speeding home, she ends up crashing her car after a lorry swerves to avoid her:
I’m getting help. Pete will understand.
I’m getting help.
The tires squealed as she turned onto the Town Road. She realised she was going too fast.
But I have to go fast. I’m getting help for Dex.
As soon as I get home.
As soon as I can.
She didn’t see the truck until it was too late.
Joanna wakes up in the hospital with some broken bones but, as her mother points out, at least her face is untouched. [Well, that’s a relief] Recovery will take a while, and Joanna is very sarcastic about everything, but hey, she’s in pain. Pete visits and it doesn’t even cross Joanna’s mind to ask about Dex:
They sat in silence for a while. He stared at her. She had the feeling that he was waiting for something.
Finally he broke the silence. “Aren’t you going to ask me about Dex?” He asked it angrily, accusingly.
What’s wrong with me? Joanna wondered. Why didn’t I ask about Dex? Is it just these awful drugs? Am I losing my mind? Am I trying to shut out all memories of that night?
“Well, Dex died,” Pete said, shouting now. He jumped to his feet, his face filled with disgust. “Dex died, Joanna. He didn’t make it. He died that night. And you couldn’t even bother to ask me about him.”
Later, Joanna gets a visit from Mary, who sneaks in a Snickers for her. [Nice. I am always here for a friend who brings snacks] They talk a little and Joanna reveals that she feels nothing regarding Dex’s death, and her first thought had actually been that now she didn’t have to break up with him. This shocks Mary [Jack: Wtf? She sounds much worse than Reva, which is really saying something!]
Six weeks later, Joanna is back at school and her leg is still recovering. She has a date, and when her mother asks if it’s with Dex, Joanna realises that she doesn’t know he’s dead. [Okay, this is immediately suspicious. Surely once Pete got help the police would have investigated and he would have mentioned Joanna? She’d be questioned, right? Unless Pete also just left him there and told no-one. Surely someone would have reported him missing?] [Jack: Have we got a revenge-via-fake-death plot going on?] The date is with Shep, and he takes Joanna to a dance at his old school. [Not sure you can actually do this but okay] She is super snobby about everything but thinks Shep can be shaped up.
When she gets home she gets a phone call… from Dex! He doesn’t get past saying who it is before she freaks out and hangs up. Angry, she tells herself that even though it sounded exactly like Dex, it must have been Pete playing a cruel joke. After all, no-one else knew she was there that night.
Walking home from school the next day, Joanna sees someone who looks eerily like Dex across the street, being all creepy at a bus stop. A bus goes past, and he’s gone! She assures herself that it can’t have been him.
That night while she’s struggling to sleep, she gets a huge shock when Dex climbs in through her window. She freaks out, tries not to scream, and tells him that he’s dead. He’s very confused by this and wonders why Pete would say such a thing. Joanna has mixed feelings as she’d adjusted to him being dead. [Jack: I’d love to see exactly how she adjusted to it when his death didn’t even faze her one bit hahaha] At least she’s feeling less guilty. Dex supposes that Pete was so upset by what happened that night that he must have thought Dex was dead. [Sure, Jan] Dex appears mournful, and Joanna asks where he’s been for the past two months. He tells her that, what with falling off a cliff and all, he’s been in hospital upstate. His hands were too injured to dial the phone, and his aunt probably called the wrong number. [Jack: I was wondering why Pete would think he’s dead if it’s been six weeks since he fell] He says he got through it all by pretending it was a play he was starring in. Joanna tells him that she was in hospital too, and they kiss. Again, she has mixed feelings, but they arrange a date. Joanna feels unsettled, though, because he seems different.
Joanna cancels her next date with Shep and once again relishes in stringing both boys along. There’s some more mixed feelings, and some disappointment in Dex being alive, [Girl, are you okay? Seriously, you may need professional help] and when she meets up with Dex, he’s really pale and has a limp. While at the movies, she realises that he smells gross. [Jack: Omg, is he a living corpse?]
Later in the weekend, Mary comes to see her, and Joanna tells her about Dex being alive and Pete being a jerk. She talks about her amusement about dating both Dex and Shep at the same time, but Mary looks unimpressed, and Joanna realises that she and Mary have grown apart. She gives Mary the details of tonight’s date with Dex, admitting it’s guilt that’s motivating her more than actually having feelings for him. Dex calls and speaks to both girls, but the connection is really bad and he sounds really far away.
During her tennis lesson, Joanna sees Dex skulking around near the courts, looking dreadful. He walks stiffly and looks green. She tells herself that it must just be the lighting, and when her lesson’s over he’s gone. She meets Shep outside and sees Dex hanging around the car park, looking reptilian with glowing red eyes. [Righto]
At school, Shep asks Joanna why they can’t go out on Friday and Saturday. She lies about needing to study on Friday to catch up on all the school she missed when she was in hospital, and is amused by how gullible he is. Once again, she decides to properly end things with Dex since she doesn’t actually care about him.
On Friday night, Joanna picks up Dex who gives her a corsage [Hello, cover image!] and they go to a dance club called Barks due to its decor of dog paintings. [Okay, choices…] Dex continues to look different, his cheeks sagging this time. As they dance, Joanna notices how lifeless he seems, like everything is difficult for him. Also, he still stinks. Suddenly, he covers his mouth and leaves the dance floor. Joanna follows him, asking what’s wrong, and with embarrassment he tells her that his teeth are loose. She realises that his injuries must have been a lot worse than he’s been letting on. He goes to get a drink and Joanna is certain that she sees him pull some skin off his face. [Yuck]
The next weekend, Joanna helps out at her mum’s charity event and decides that she no longer feels guilty. [Again] Shep is perfect, so she’ll dump Dex next Saturday. [Sure you will] Her mum goes out with friends, and Joanna goes to collect her car. Turns out Pete is working the valet, and she tells him she thinks there’s something really wrong with Dex. Pete snaps at her, saying she’s crazy and that Dex is dead; he went to the funeral and knows it for a fact.
At home, Joanna gets changed and sits in the living room with a cup of tea, wondering whether to believe Pete. She yells at herself that it’s nonsense, then worries she’ll wake the maid. [We’re over halfway through and the maid is only just getting a mention?] She tries to be logical — Dex came back, injured, and Pete said he’d been to the funeral. She thinks of how Dex reminds her of a zombie from Night of the Living Dead, [Don’t drag Romero into this!!] then scolds herself for getting carried away, deciding to go to Dex’s house to find out the truth.
There’s no answer at Dex’s house when she knocks, but he suddenly comes up behind her, startling Joanna. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t blink, and seems totally blank. By the porch light she sees that his eyes are red while his skin is green and peeling. His hair looks out of place and she can see his skull through his scalp. [Sure. At this point, why not?] He smells like rotting rubbish as he holds out a corsage, gives her a toothless smile and asks for a kiss. She runs away.
The next day, Joanna stays in bed sick while her mum goes to church, lunch, and a cocktail party. Feeling out of sorts, Joanna calls Mary and asks her to come over. When Mary gets there, they make some coffee, and Joanna tells her everything. Mary says he must have some weird disease, but thinks it’s strange that Pete would say Dex is dead. The phone rings. It’s Pete, telling Joanna that Dex is on his way to her house right now. He’s back from the grave and coming to kill her!! Someone bangs on the door.
Thankfully, it’s just Shep. [Phew!] Joanna tells him they need to go, now! Shep says they should have a coffee and calm down. Joanna yells that Dex is back from the dead and coming to get her. Shep is like, “righto … sure.” The front door hurls open. Turns out Shep thought the maid would shut it for him. [If she had answered the door, sure, but okay] Dex barges in, fast but stiff-legged. Pete runs in after him, yelling for him to stop, but Dex doesn’t seem to hear him. His skull is sticking out, he has no teeth, and purple stuff is dripping from his eyes. [I have some real concerns for the intelligence of our lead] Dex tells Joanna he’s back, and that she shouldn’t have left him to die, then raises a kitchen knife.
Pete leaps at him and gets pushed aside into the counter, but Shep manages to knock the knife out of Dex’s hand, which appears to surprise Dex [Aparently not zombie enough to not have expressions] as he makes a grab for the weapon. Joanna gets to it first and stabs him in the chest. Blood pours out, and Dex says this isn’t right before dropping to the floor.
Pete yells at her that she’s killed him — it was all a joke to get back at her, and now she’s killed him! [I’m no lawyer, but given she was told he was going to kill her and came at her with a knife, I’d say she’s got a good chance at self-defence] Shep steps up and says they need to call the police, but the others won’t go for it. For reasons… those being that the police will never believe their story and will think they made it up in the aftermath. [Again, you were told he was going to kill you, and he came at you with a knife! You can afford a good lawyer, come on now.] Mary and Pete drag Dex’s body out of the house to dump it somewhere, [I’m thinking Joanna figured it out and this plan is to scare them back] and to account for the blood on the floor she cuts Shep’s arm before ordering the maid to clean it up.
At school the next week, Shep ignores Joanna, wanting nothing to do with her. [Good call, dude] She muddles on through the next week until she gets another “I’m back” call from Dex. [Guess she wasn’t teaching them a lesson, and is just straight up stupid] She dashes to Mary’s house, because she’ll know what to do!
When she gets to Mary’s, there’s a putrid smell and Dex comes out of the darkness, asking why she killed him. [Seriously? Are we really doing this again?!]
He’s missing an eye, has a big gaping chest wound and crumbly skin. Joanna screams for help, and he tackles her to the ground. He tells her the joke is over and pulls out a switchblade, stabbing it into the ground next to Joanna’s head. They argue about the night at the cliff and her lack of care for him. As Joanna tries to defend herself from this nutbag, Mary comes out of the house, screaming at Joanna to stop — turns out she loves Dex and hates Joanna for treating him like crap. [Not to play devil’s advocate or anything but he seems like a super douche] Mary wants to kill Joanna, but Dex tells her to forget about it. Dex and Mary walk arm in arm into the house, and that’s it I guess. Turns out that like everything else, the switchblade was a prop. [Colour me shocked!] Dex is totally alive and fine — well, physically at least, not so sure about his old brain box — and it’s all just been a continuation of his ridiculous prank. [These kids have way too much time on their hands]
Joanna realises how awful she’s been since her dad left, and cries for the first time since that day. [Seriously, go find Reva Dalby because you are destined to be besties] She calls Shep hoping for a second chance, telling him that she’s back from the grave.
Final Thoughts
This one is certainly something. I think it’s one you definitely have to go into with the right expectations because otherwise I think it could be somewhat rage-inducing in its stupidity. It isn’t plot heavy and was super repetitive at times, but at least it’s a quick read. Had I read this as a kid, I’m pretty sure I would have been highly irked, especially if I had parted with pocket money. Thankfully, I knew not to expect a Point Horror classic so was able to have some fun on the ride of laughing at its insanity. While not quite reaching bonkers banana pants levels, it’s daft enough to pass a nostalgic hour or so.
Critical/General quality rating: 20 extremely tiresome pranks out of 107.
Personal enjoyment rating: 32 dog painting-loving bars out 104.
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