I remember being really eager to get my hands on this book as a kid because it is hands-down one of the best Goosebumps covers of all time, and that’s a pure fact. Unfortunately the book was a huge letdown when I finally did get a chance to read it. I never read it again, so I can’t remember exactly why I didn’t like it, but I think it was because there just wasn’t enough blob-eating-people action for a book with this title. I haven’t seen the episode in years either and can’t imagine it being much better, but let’s give it another chance, shall we?
We begin with our protagonist, Zack Beauchamp, cleaning out the basement, which is a sucky chore enforced by his mother. His best friend Alex is also there, curious about a crate labelled ‘Top Secret Science Project. BEWARE’. This just intrigues nosy Alex more, and she quickly pulls the lid off to reveal a pile of worms, which isn’t very interesting, until a giant one rises up from the crate and hisses at them [!!!!]. As the pair try to escape, the giant worm lashes out and wraps itself around Zack’s legs while Alex just stands there doing absolutely nothin to help [Hey Alexa, play ‘True Friend’ by Hannah Montana].
This scene turns out to be a story that aspiring horror writer Zack is reading out to his friends, Alex and Adam [Why is Adam left out of the story?]. Alex thinks ‘Adventure of the Blob Monster’ is super scary, but Adam is less supportive and tells Zack it was lame [Wow, Adam sucks]. Heading home, Zack and Alex walk home, they come across a cordoned-off building that was struck by lightning yesterday in a big storm. They venture inside to explore, where Zack finds an old typewriter similar to one his dad used to own. As he attempts to test it out, he’s shocked by some leftover lightning that was apparently being stored in the typewriter [Is that a thing? Can objects struck by lightning produce aftershocks?].
Zack is pretty much fine and despite Alex’s protests, decides to steal the typewriter because “it’s perfect for writing scary stories” and since the store is wrecked anyway, who’s going to care? [That’s still theft, champ] Suddenly the store’s owner appears, and even though Zack is clearly holding the typewriter, she asks if they’ve touched anything [???]. Upon learning that Zack likes to write horror stories, the shopkeeper allows Zack to take the typewriter without any payment, “if you promise to write a really scary story.” [She’s kind of suss as well…maybe she’s a witch!]. Zack is ecstatic and thanks the woman as he departs with Alex, unaware that the woman seems to have disappeared as soon as their backs are turned [Ooky spooky!].
That night, Zack’s trying to come up with a good first line for his story, deciding against ‘Reader beware, you’re in for a scare’ [How meta!]. Alex arrives to hang out and Zack sits at the typewriter to start a new blob story, beginning with “Clouds massed in the sky overhead and unleashed their fury.” [He’s one of those people that reads out what he’s typing] As soon as the sentence is on the page, thunder and lightning are heard outside and the power goes out [!!!]. Dad brings up some candles for them to use, and Zack continues typing, this time about the wind howling. Again, as soon as the sentence is complete, the wind starts howling outside!
Based on the slow motion replay of the words being typed on the paper after each sentence comes true, it appears that Zack is starting to connect the dots in his mind, and his next sentence states that Alex and Zack are alone in the house. Deciding they’ll need more candles, real Zack and Alex leave Zack’s room to get some more from Dad, but he’s nowhere to be found! Alex realises that every sentence Zack wrote came true and points it out to Zack, who thinks she’s nuts [So the slow motion replays each sentence being typed after coming true wasn’t him realising, and must have been for the audience’s benefit, as if we’re all too stupid to realise any other way].
They head upstairs so he can prove her wrong, typing “They heard a knock at the door,” which, as expected, comes true, much to their horror [Just type the opposite of each sentence and never use the typewriter again? Easy fix, guys. Then I’d probably use it to become rich and successful!]. The knocking continues as they head downstairs, but when Zack looks through the peephole, there’s no-one there. Alex is super scared and begs him not to open the door, but he does it anyway, and there’s no-one there [!!!].
Alex realises that Zack didn’t type that there was anyone actually at the door and theorises that the shopkeeper must have known the typewriter had some kind of power and “couldn’t wait to get rid of it.” Despite four clear-cut instances of what’s written with the typewriter coming true, Zack still refuses to believe it and heads upstairs to prove Alex wrong once again [Bruh, you literally just did that with the knocking????? Zack’s an idiot].
He types that Adam’s standing on the front porch and knocks again and when they answer the door this time, Adam is really there in his pyjamas! He has no idea why he came over here in the first place, and Alex quickly explains the typewriter situation. Adam thinks they’re playing a trick on him [We are more than halfway through and there has been no damn blob! Assuming that the book’s plot focused more on the damn typewriter as well, it’s no surprise why I didn’t like it. Pure clickbait!]. Zack’s on Alex’s side by now, and to prove they’re telling the truth, he types that the storm suddenly stops and everything is quiet… “Too quiet.”
Adam argues that the storm stopping outside is just a coincidence [Omfg just get to the fucking blob already] and types something himself, before laughing and running off, presumably to go home. Zack and Alex read his contribution to the story, which states “the blob monster hid in Zack’s basement, waiting for fresh meat,” and Zack rips the page from the typewriter, mad that he’ll have to start his story all over again [You wrote four lines, two of which were just to test if what they typed were coming true? It wasn’t even a story in the first place].
They then hear a growling noise that they assume is coming from the basement but sounds a lot closer to me, and the bedroom door opens to reveal Dad, who’s apparently been in the basement fiddling with the breakers this whole time [Hmm… maybe when a page is removed from the typewriter, whatever was written on that page ceases to be real? I wonder what would happen if Zack had been writing about made up characters rather than himself and Alex, though?].
Zack and Alex question whether he saw anything strange down there, but Dad saw nothing unusual and heads downstairs to call the power company. As soon as the door’s shut, Zack and Alex hear more monstrous sounds and venture down to the basement to investigate. The lights suddenly come back on and as the growling continues, Zack and Alex spot a gardening glove wriggling at the open window [Is that supposed to be the blob? lol]. It turns out to be Adam pranking them, and a relieved Zack and Alex laugh about what silly poos they are to believe they had a haunted typewriter [I am so bored].
The next day, Alex excitedly calls up Alex to tell her all about the story he’s currently writing on the typewriter, declaring it’s his best one yet! It’s about the blob monster attacking the video store in the mall and eating everyone. He invites her over for dinner so she can read it and then heads to the video store to rent a move for tonight. Adam’s also at the video store and mocks Zack about last night [I’d love to know Adam’s theory on how he suddenly got from his bedroom the Zack’s porch in a split second. Also is Adam even friends with Zack and Alex? They don’t seem to like each other].
Soon, everyone in the store starts screaming and flees the store, leaving a curious Zack to search the aisles for what frightened them off. He’s soon attacked by the blob, it’s worm-like tongue wrapping around his legs [Ohhhhh, so it was the blob’s tongue in the story at the beginning, and not a giant worm? Why was it in a pile of normal worms? Anyway, excluding that part, which wasn’t taking place in the episode’s reality anyway, the blob’s made it’s first appearance about 18 minutes into a 22 minute episode… I’m mad. Just like the book, what a wasted opportunity and a heinous waste of my time].
The blob, which is nothing like it’s depicted in the book and is instead a small, yellowish thing [Yet another disappointment], suddenly releases Zack as Adam appears [Why doesn’t it want to eat in front of Adam?]. Adam suspects Zack’s trying to prank him and thinks the blob is some kind of radio-controlled balloon [The kid playing Adam might be the worst actor we’ve seen in a Goosebumps episode], and despite Zack’s warnings, he goes up for a closer look and is quickly swallowed whole!
Zack runs all the way home so he can type something more optimistic and finds Alex waiting for him in his room. He explains that the story has come true and he needs to write an ending, but finds the keys jammed as he attempts to type that the blob simply doesn’t exist and Adam’s OK, but apparently the keys are jammed [How inconvenient!].
The blob bursts into the room and quickly eats the typewriter as Zack and Alex jump out of the way, and Zack suddenly remembers that when Adam typed something last night, it didn’t come true [I guess, but not everything Zack typed came true either, right? Dad was apparently in the basement the whole time and hadn’t disappeared at all!]. As the blob closes in on them, Zack theorises that maybe the power is within him, not the typewriter, and maybe all he has to do is just think something for it to come true [This episode is fkn stupid]. As the blob reaches for them with it’s tongue tendril, Alex closes his eyes and wills it to disappear… and then it morphs into Adam, who’s completely unharmed [Despite how it looks, you’d be wrong to assume that Adam’s a shapeshifter and was the blob the whole time… they should have chosen a different effect for this lol].
Then we get this stupid little exchange:
Zack: I do! I have the power!
Adam, confused: What power?
Zack: Forget it.
Zack and Alex in unison: You wouldn’t understand!
And the episode ends with both Zack and Alex doing the fakest laughs I’ve ever heard as if they’ve just told the most hilarious joke in the world [I want the last half an hour of my life back].
Final thoughts
What an absolute waste of my time. Was the book this focused on the typewriter as well? How fkn boring and not at all what the title/cover implies. The titular blob didn’t appear until 18 minutes in… 18 minutes! 18 damn minutes! Why is this even called ‘The Blob That Ate Everyone’ when it’s not even about a blob and said blob only ate one person, let alone everyone? It should be called ‘The Typewriter That Makes Everything Come True’ or something stupid that actually reflects the contents of the episode.
And what was the whole deal with the shopkeeper? Was she some supernatural being? Why did she give the typewriter away for free when she had complained about putting all her time and savings into the store? Also, are we supposed to assume that Zack somehow got this random power that everything he thinks comes true because he was electrocuted by a typewriter?
This is a terrible episode and I strongly urge you not to waste your time with it. 4 erroneously titled episodes about a typewriter and not a people-eating blob out of 27.
The book was indeed largely focused on the typewriter. This is one of the more faithful adaptions, down the dialogue. But I still find it to be better as it trims down a lot and it works better in the 22 minute format. In my head it’s always felt like the blob appeared quicker here than in the book,, so that 18 minutes statistic (maybe not the right word but whatever) actually came as a surprise. Although in the book it ate /3/ people, the other 2 being cops that were not brought back like Adam was. It also had an added twist where the whole thing was a story by a blob who changes the ending so that the blob eats everyone.
The way the episode just abruptly cuts to the credits is kind of awkward. The meta joke is pretty amazing.