We begin with our protagonist, Greg Banks [A baby Ryan Gosling!] and his friends, Shari and Bird watching an old factory, waiting for the incey wincey Spidey to come out. They debate his eating habits – “I heard he eats rats.” “It’s cats.” “I heard it was bats” [Such banter] – before Spidey comes out and does a weird jog away from the building.
The kids sneak into the factory, wanting to see it before it’s torn down, and as they explore, Greg finds an old polaroid camera that “looks like a toaster” [And might just be one of the most ’90s things I’ve ever seen]. Bird wants a picture and starts juggling on the stairs, but straight after Greg snaps a shot, the banister Bird’s leaning on breaks [I think that’s what we’re supposed to be seeing. Almost looks like Bird is pushed or something before it even breaks though] and he tumbles to the floor.
He’s fine though, and as the kids start to leave, Spidey appears at the top of the stairs! He’s no match for the broken banister though and also falls from the stairs, allowing the trio to escape. They realise Greg’s still holding the camera suss out the polaroid, which strangely depicts Bird falling even though that happened after the picture was taken [Ooky spooky!]. Bird and Shari reckon Greg just thinks he took the picture before Bird fell, and they head home.
Back at his place, Greg’s admiring his father’s new car in the driveway when his older brother Terry approaches. He wants a picture with Greg’s new camera too, and poses by the car. Greg seems bothered by the polaroid, lying to Terry about it needing longer to process before heading inside [At least show me what it is, Greg!]. Unbeknownst to them, Spidey’s watching from across the street!
Later, Terry barges into Greg’s room wanting to know if the picture’s ready yet, and Greg lies that it didn’t develop properly before accosting Terry for not knocking. Terry’s all like “I haven’t taken that class yet” and ROFLs down the hall [Soooooo funny, Terry]. We finally see why Greg’s so concerned about the polaroid — the front of Dad’s brand new car is totalled! [It looks like they’ve just stuck cardboard or something over the front of it though hahaha. Love a low budget]
At dinner, Greg tries to convince Dad to return the car so the photo doesn’t come true, but instead, the family decides they’ll take a ride to get Greg excited again [Hahahahaha fuck your life, Greg]. Inside the car, Greg tries to show his family the photo but it slips out the window [Butter fingers] before they almost collide head-on with a truck [His dad blames the truck driver but I can’t really tell who was in the wrong lane…].
Later, Greg has a nightmare where he takes a picture of his family enjoying a backyard BBQ, but when the photo comes out, it shows them all as skeletons [It’s a reference to the book cover which I’m glad they included, but unfortunately it doesn’t look that good because of a shoddy budget :(].
The next day, Greg tells the still-juggling Bird about the photo of his dad’s car and theorises that it can predict the future, but Bird has his own prediction — Greg’s going to be taken away for being crazy. After all, Greg’s dad’s car is totally fine. Greg still thinks it’s weird though, and points out that there’s nowhere to put film or a way to even open the camera [Honestly, Greg, if you’re that bothered just stop taking photos. It’s not that hard].
Two neighbourhood bullies appear and take the camera from Greg. He manages to snatch it back before they can take a photo with it and he runs of with Bird, escaping to Shari’s backyard. But now Shari wants a picture, and she won’t take no for an answer [Stop fkn bringing it everywhere]. He takes a photo of her leaning against a tree, but when the photo turns out, Shari’s not even in it [Spooky!] and Greg has a bad feeling.
Then Terry waltzes into Shari’s backyard [Apparently everyone just lets themselves in?] to inform Greg that Dad had a car accident [!!!]. He’s fine, but the car is totalled [Just like the picture!]. Later, two police detectives knock on Greg’s door to ask him about Shari, who’s completely disappeared. “I knew it!” Greg says, inadvertently making the cops think he was involved in. He tries to explain about the picture he took, but they cut him off and just demand to see the picture, which obviously she’s not even in [These shitty cops don’t even give him a chance to explain anything. Idiots]. As they leave, we see Spidey skulking around outside once again [Pedo Pat alert].
The next day, Greg explains to Bird that the camera “predicts the future and makes it bad” and tears up Shari’s photo before throwing the camera to the ground, but apparently it’s indestructible. Bird suggests they throw it away, but Greg’s more responsible than that, not wanting someone else to go through the same thing [Little cutie]. He decides they need to take it back to Spidey, who they suspect may have kidnapped Shari as ransom for the camera [Maybe go to the police??]. Bird’s a little bitch about it though, refusing to go back to Spidey’s home because Greg’s the one that took it, not him. And besides, he’s got a lot to do for his Dad today [Fuck you, Bird].
That night as Greg’s preparing to enter Spidey’s dwelling, Shari appears! She can’t remember anything about her disappearance or even being gone, and randomly reappeared in her backyard again a few hours ago. Greg realises she must have reappeared after he tore up her photo [So if he rips up the photo of the car, will it be magically fixed?]. Shari learnt all about the evil camera from Bird and couldn’t let Greg return it by himself [A true friend! Bless her].
Inside the factory, they’re quickly confronted by Spidey who explains he invented a camera that could predict the future, but discovered it made it’s depictions come true, “and it was always disastrous”. And then he refuses to let them leave because now they know too much and he can’t risk news of the camera getting out [Calm down, Spidey]. They promise not to tell anyone, but Spidey’s not willing to take that risk and tries to attack Greg [!!!!].
Shari grabs the camera and takes a photo of Spidey, who disappears in an explosion of ’90s CGI. As they escape the factory, we see Spidey trapped inside the camera, begging for release. Later, the two bullies from earlier enter the factory and find the camera [Which Greg and Shari just left on the damn desk, the idiots] and take a picture, and the episode ends with a now-released Spidey rising up behind them [That didn’t last long lol].
Final thoughts
This episode was based on another of my favourite Goosebumps books, and I think it did it justice. The camera and some of the polaroids where a bit dodgy, but I guess they did what they could with the budget. Spidey was super creepy, but they definitely could have made him a bigger threat/presence, or even just explained a bit more about him. What’s with the goggles? Why does he live in a factory? Why do I care?
40 Polaroid cameras that look like toasters out of 50!
