Tagline: Jingle Bells… Santa kills!
Back tagline: Silent Night, Bloody Night…
Summary: Sure, she promised to be nicer after last year’s horrors. But a rich, spoiled gorgeous girl like Reva Dalby always thinks she can have anything—or anyone—she wants, and never, never pay.
But now it’s payback time. Someone is out to kidnap Reva.
This year, Santa is bringing Reva a little holiday fear. And just around the corner is the biggest, most gruesome Christmas gift of all—murder.
And it’s all hers!
First impressions: I loved the first one, and this one sounds just as good! Reva’s a bitch we love to hate so it will always be fun to see her get her comeuppance, especially since she clearly hasn’t learned from last time. Will there actually be a murder, though?
This cover is great too, I love the idea of Santa spreading terror instead of joy! Let’s read.
Recap
Roll call:
Reva – Our protagonist who’s back to her cruel, scornful ways.
Pam – Reva’s cousin who now has a job at Dalby’s.
Victor – Pam’s love interest.
Pres – An ex-employee at Dalby’s and Diane’s boyfriend.
Diane – Pres’ girlfriend who seems to think life is a movie.
Danny – Pres’ hot-headed brother.
Part 1 – A Kidnapping
It’s two weeks before Christmas and 18-year-old Waynesbridge resident Paul Nichols is stuck at a traffic light in town, angry about the fact that he’s got ‘no job. No money. No nothing.’ [Big mood at Christmas] He dropped out of high school two years ago and hasn’t seen his parents since, and since Christmas is all about family, he’s a bit of a Grinch. Waynesbridge, otherwise known as Christmas Town [Is it?], has lavish decorations everywhere, including Christmas trees on every corner of Main Street [Is this Whoville?], which only pisses Paul off more.
Paul eventually makes it home to his apartment where Diane, his bottle-blonde, buck-toothed girlfriend of three years, is waiting for him. Paul reveals he had no luck with the job interview, and when Diane asks if he applied for a job at the Pick and Pay too, Paul explodes at her because apparently being a delivery boy is beneath him [Ugh, he’s one of those people that is desperate for work but still looks down on certain jobs. I hate him already].
We learn that Diane’s nickname for him, Pres [And it seems the book is also calling him Pres from now on, so I guess I will too], is because he looks like Elvis Presley – he’s got the dark hair, long sideburns, romantic eyes, and even does a good impression of the Elvis sneer! And please don’t worry about forgetting his nickname either, because Diane can’t seem to open her mouth without saying it [Out of the seven sentences she’s spoken so far, she’s said ‘Pres’ five times. It’s already getting on my nerves]. Diane’s also been unable to find work, but is inspired by an article she was just reading in ‘People’ magazine about a couple who robbed one of those armoured trucks that transports money from banks:
Diane had fantasies that the two of them would become big-time criminals. She was always coming up with schemes in which they performed wild, daring robberies, just like in the movies, and got away with millions.
At first Pres had thought she was joking, making up stories to amuse herself. After a while he realized that Diane was serious. She really believed they could get rich by pulling off a major crime.
We learn that Pres was recently fired from Dalby’s Department Store, where he worked for the past two years. Being in a stockroom wasn’t glamorous, but it paid the bills [And so will doing deliveries for the Pick and Pay, you div], and occasionally he was able to steal some goodies like a jacket, watch, and a portable TV. A guard busted him using his five-finger discount three months ago, though, and he was marched straight to Robert Dalby’s office to be reprimanded and fired. [Are we supposed to feel sorry for him??? Is he supposed to be a sympathetic character??]. Pres has been bitter about the humiliation ever since [You did it to yourself, wtf?], believing it’s totally unreasonable and a huge jerk move that Dalby likes to lecture his thieving employees before sacking them [Pres, shut the fuck up].
Diane’s super keen to rob the Dalby home, and while Pres is less enthusiastic, he’s still been scouting out the house and reckons it’ll be a piece of cake to break in. Diane is practically having an orgasm as she insists robbing the Dalbys will be a two birds, one stone kind of deal – they can get revenge for Pres being fired [He was fired for very valid reasons though? These two are idiots] while also ensuring they’ll have a good Christmas after selling all the expensive stuff they snatch. After glancing around his shoddy apartment, Pres warms up to the idea, but reckons they can take it even further than stealing priceless antiques:
“It’ll be just like a movie, Diane! We just have to work it out carefully, step by step. Scene by scene. And with a little luck …” He grinned excitedly at her. “With a little luck we could be millionaires by Christmas! All we have to do is kidnap Reva Dalby.”
[I guess it depends on who the protagonists are in those sorts of movies, but really, how often do criminals get away with it?] We now jump to the ultimate rich bitch of Shadyside herself, Reva Dalby, who’s beginning her shift at the perfume counter at Dalby’s Department Store. ‘Silent Night’ is playing over the sound system, and this song always makes her flashback to her near-death experience at the hands of Mr. Wakely. Soon, a balding middle-aged man approaches, needing some help picking out a perfume for his wife, but Reva tells him she’s on break and turns around to examine herself in the mirror. The man knows she’s lying because the store literally just opened, but Reva has no interest in doing her job and tells him he’ll have better luck in the bargain basement [That’s so Reva!].
Her supervisor, Ms. Smith, apparently saw the whole thing [And she didn’t want to help the man herself?] and scolds Reva for her bad attitude. ‘”You really shouldn’t get on my case just because you’re having a bad hair day,”‘ says Reva [Hahaha she’s such a cow], encouraging Ms. Smith to talk to her father because she doesn’t want to be here anyway. Dad thinks working here is good for Reva, but evidently what’s good for Reva is bad for everyone else.
Ms. Smith leaves and soon, Reva’s co-worker Francine arrives, explaining her car broke down on the way here. Reva complains that the store’s been soOO00o000oOooOooOo0oO busy and heads off for a break, exhausted after 30 minutes of doing less than the bare minimum. As Reva makes her way to the stationary section where her cousin Pam works [We love Pam!], she remembers her promise last year to be ‘nicer, kinder, more considerate,’ but how can Reva possibly do that when she’s stuck waiting on customers?! [You could at least try?] Pam’s family is as poor as ever, but she’s still her usual cheery self as Reva spots her talking to a total hunk with a short, black ponytail and ‘the most beautiful smile Reva had ever seen.’
In true Reva fashion, she rushes over and pushes her way between them, forcing Pam to introduce her to Victor, who’s working in the stockroom for the holidays [Could this be Pres using a fake name? He definitely wouldn’t have been rehired though, but maybe he’s just faking that part so he can infiltrate their lives?]. Reva has to work in the stockroom every day from 3pm-5pm and absolutely loathes it, but thinks that seeing Victor’s handsome face there will make it more enjoyable [You just don’t want Pam to have anything nice, do you Reva?].
Victor soon heads off, but not before Reva suggests he come visit her at the perfume counter sometime, and Pam gushes over how terrific he is – she only met him a few weeks ago, but she’s so totally crazy about him and reckons it’s the real thing [Calm down, Pam, you cannot be in love with this guy already. What happened to Foxy, anyway?!]. Reva changes the subject to her nails, which are purple with a black dot in the centre of each one, and asks Pam what she thinks of them:
To Reva’s surprise, Pam reached down and picked up a silver-bladed letter opener from a stationary display. Pam raised the letter opener high.
“Pam—what’s that?” Reva cried.
“Here’s what I think of your nails!” Pam exclaimed. And she plunged the letter opener into Reva’s chest.
[That’s what I think of your nails too, bitch 😈 ] Pam laughs as she stabs Reva three more times, but it’s just a fake blade that blade slides into the handle when pressed against anything [Pam, you cheeky little devil!]. Apparently this fake letter opener is the biggest seller in the stationary section this year [What, everyone in Shadyside is buying a fake letter opener that literally has no useful purpose?] and Reva’s glad Pam’s having fun this Christmas, although I’m not sure how sincere she is.
After work, Reva heads up to the executive offices on the sixth floor where her father works, and also where she was nearly murdered last year. As soon as she reaches Dad’s office, Reva starts whining about not wanting to work here, especially since her little brother, Michael, is vacationing in Saint Croix with the Harrisons, whoever they are. Reva wasn’t invited on the trip, although I can’t imagine why.
Dad knows all about Reva’s terrible worth ethic from Ms. Smith, but he really wants Reva to take the job seriously, believing it will help her move on from the bad memories of last year. He offers to take her someplace warm in February if she sticks it out, and she can even bring a friend! [Does she even have any friends?] The bribe works and Reva agrees to continue working, although she tells him not to expect miracles when he asks if she’ll stop being rude to customers [Why is this idiot rewarding her toxic behaviour?].
Dad will be working late tonight, so Reva heads back down the hall toward the two service elevators that are strictly for employees. She’s unnerved by the eerie silence of the empty offices around her and quickly pushes the button, opening the doors to the left elevator. As she moves towards it, ‘a loud voice behind her uttered a sharp cry’ and a pair of strong hands grab her from behind [!!!!].
It’s just Dad, who tells her not to use the employee elevators because there’s been issues with both of them and they could be dangerous [How’d she get up here then?]. Reva bids him farewell once more and heads over to the main elevators [What’s the point of having employee elevators and normal elevators if they both go to the exact same floors?].
As Reva walks across the parking lot to her car, she hears multiple footsteps behind her and assumes she’s being chased. She quickly realises it’s just other store workers heading to their own cars, though, and scolds herself for being frightened so easily lately [We can’t really blame her, Christmas is a traumatic time after last year]. Safe and sound in her car, she decides to take the back way home to North Hills since there’s a lot of traffic on her usual route, however it soon becomes clear that an old Plymouth is trailing her [Pres drives an old Plymouth!], ‘But why?’
Later, we’re back to Pres, who’s telling Diane how he’s figured out the Dalbys’ usual daily routines after scoping out the house some more; Mr. Dalby leaves for work at 7am, Reva presumably sleeps until 8:30 when she opens her curtains, and she leaves the house by 9am. They have a monster of a Doberman, but it seems like he’s kept on a chain during the day and only let off at night, so he shouldn’t be a problem [Watch this be a problem later]. The couple agree the best window of opportunity to kidnap Princess Reva is when she’s home alone after Mr. Dalby leaves, but before she wakes up, and they’ll put their plan in motion tomorrow [Good luck!].
Later that night, Reva’s at River Ridge, making out with Victor. He develops a conscience after a while and feels bad for doing this to Pam, because they’re really serious about each other [Yeah, it sure looks that way, Vic!]. Reva couldn’t resist calling him tonight because he’s just so good-looking, and pulls him closer again for some more pashing to shut him up:
Reva chuckled to herself. She wondered what her cousin Pam was doing right then. Waiting by the phone for Victor to call?
Pam is such a loser, Reva thought scornfully.
Victor is just too good-looking for a loser like Pam.
[The audacity of this girl with absolutely no friends to call someone else a loser lol] The next morning, Pres and Diane are in the Plymouth a few doors down from Reva’s house. Tensions are running high as they wait for Reva’s father to leave, but Pres insists he’s not nervous, but excited – ‘”I never kidnapped anyone before, you know.”‘ [What? You haven’t? It’s such a common thing!]. Finally they spot Mr. Dalby’s Mercedes leave, and wait 10 minutes before easing the car to the curb in front of the the driveway.
Diane’s the getaway driver, so stays in the car while Pres creeps up to the house. The big black Doberman is off its chain for some reason, but Pres came prepared for this exact situation, tossing some bacon onto the grass. The dog ain’t interested in dead flesh, though, and lunges at Pres instead [Get him!].
The dog’s snarling mouth latches on to the sleeve of Pres’ jacket, but he’s able to wrench himself free pretty quickly as he pulls a chloroform-soaked handkerchief from his pocket. He wraps one hand around the dog’s snout and holds the hanky over it’s nostrils, eventually knocking it unconscious.
With that out of the way, Pres makes his way to the back door, pulls out a silver pistol and makes quick work of the glass closest to the doorknob, which shatters over the kitchen floor [Good idea, Pres, Reva won’t hear that! Idiot]. Reaching into the window, he fumbles around for the lock and quickly lets himself in, briefly marvelling at how the other half live before starting up the stairs to Reva’s room.
We temporarily cut to Diane in the car, who’s growing more and more uneasy as time goes by, especially when she hears sirens in the distance… and they seem to be getting louder [!!!]. She frantically wills Pres to hurry up so they can get out of here, deciding that she’ll have no choice but to leave him behind if the police arrive [Wow, selfish].
Back in the house, Pres is taking his sweet ass time, stopping by Mr. Dalby’s room to admire it [This is not the time to dawling, Pres]. He starts fantasising about having a room full of pinball machines when he’s a millionaire [You’re jumping the gun a bit there, bud], but eventually remembers what he’s here to do and hurries to what he’s worked out is Reva’s bedroom.
‘”Good morning!”‘ he cries [What a great way to greet your victim!], stepping into the room and finding himself alone in there [But this was supposed to be a piece of cake, Pres!]. Through the slightly open bedroom window, he hears the ‘rise and fall of shrill sirens’ in the distance. He realises breaking the window must have set off a silent burglar alarm that alerted the police, and quickly scampers back downstairs and out the front door.
He leaps into the car and orders Diane to drive as the sirens continue to grow louder. Diane’s confused by the lack of Reva Dalby but steps on the gas, only for the car to stall out [Hahahaha]. Diane manages to get it started again and she floors it out of there, putting distance between them and the wailing sirens once more. Although she was shitting bricks earlier, Diane now finds the whole thing super exciting and assures Pres they’ll get Reva next time.
Speaking of Reva, she’s already at work, being rude to poor, oblivious Francine:
“Is that a new lipstick you’re wearing?” Reva asked her.
“I’m not wearing any lipstick,” Francine replied, unaware that Reva had asked her question to be cruel.
So that’s why you look like you died three weeks ago! Reva thought.
[Someone needs to hurry up and knock this bitch down a peg again. Can’t believe she’s back to her old ways] After daydreaming about Victor for a while, Reva leaves Francine with three customers and hurries over to the stationary department to say hi to Pam, who’s curious as to why Reva’s here so early. Apparently Dad had left her a note last night saying he wanted to talk, but we don’t find out what he wanted to talk about so I guess it’s not important.
Pam’s got a hot date with Victor tonight and she can’t wait, gushing about how excited she is and how she’s really in love [Oh please, Pam]. Reva unenthusiastically tells her how great that is to hear while secretly wishing Pam would find a rich boyfriend [Ugh, fuck off, Reva]. Pam really wants Reva and Victor to get to know each other, and Reva struggles not to laugh in her face because as we know, Reva’s certainly trying:
“Have fun tonight,” Reva said. “I’m glad someone is having an exciting life.”
Pam placed a hand on Reva’s shoulder and felt the soft silky fabric of her blouse. “It’s holiday time, Reva. I’m sure your life will get more exciting real soon.”
[Oh, I’m sure it will, Pam, but not in the way either of you are expecting 😈 ] Later that night, Diane and Pres are heading back to Reva’s house to take another crack at kidnapping her. Pres is aware she gets home before her father some nights, but unfortunately when they arrive, the place is crawling with police. Pres is a little angry about this; not because the police have spoiled his plans, but because he knows the break-in is only being investigated so thoroughly because it happened to rich people [Maybe that explains why the Shadyside police are so incompetent with everything that happens on Fear Street, because that’s the povo part of town!].
The pair act natural and try to keep driving, but they’re stopped by an officer who steps in front of the car and asks them to pull over [Uh oh]. He only wants to tell them that one of the car’s headlights is out and warns them to get it fixed instead of giving them a ticket because he’s super busy right now [Is he just being nice, or is he lazy?].
They head to McDonald’s [Who knew there was one of these in Shadyside?] and hatch a new plan to kidnap Reva from work – the perfume counter is right next to a side door that leads out to the street, so Pres can easily drag her out there and into the car [What, in broad daylight? With security cameras everywhere? Are they going to wear masks or something, at least?]. There’s barely anyone in the store when Reva first starts her shift, so he’s confident they can do it undetected. Diane will have to pose as a customer and lure Reva closer to the side door, but that means they’ll need a third person to act as the getaway driver [This plan is dumb].
Diane insists they use Pres’ older brother Danny, but Pres isn’t too keen because Danny has a nasty tempered – ‘”If something goes wrong, he could get us all killed.”‘ Diane reasons that Danny can stay in the car the whole time, and Pres reluctantly agrees to call him as soon as they get home so they can kidnap Reva tomorrow [Just get a fucking job delivering groceries!].
The next morning, in true Reva fashion, she’s 25 minutes late to work. Luckily Francine had come in early and was able to cover for her, but Reva’s not the least bit apologetic. Francine leaves to make a phone call [Probably about how much of a cow Reva is], and Reva spots a dark-haired guy and a girl with a bad bleach job coming down the aisle towards her [Oh God, what is their plan?]. She quickly turns away from them, hoping ‘those two losers don’t come over here,’ or else she’ll ‘suggest they exchange tattoos for Christmas,’ [Are tattoos a sign of lower class? Or were they just super taboo in the 90s?] and starts fantasising about Victor again.
She glances up to see the two teens still approaching, but suddenly the girl dives to the floor, hooting and hollering about dropping a contact [This is your distraction? You thought Reva would come help you? Hahahaha so naive]. Reva pretends not to notice and continues to enjoy her coffee, but the boy asks for her assistance, claiming he’s as blind as the girl because he’s not wearing his glasses [This is such a stupid fkn plan hahaha]. Reva lies that she’s on her break and can’t leave her post, and to her surprise, the guy angrily grabs her arm with both hands and starts pulling her towards the exit.
Reva demands he let go of her and struggles to pull free, but it’s not until Ms. Smith shows up and asks what the hell Reva’s doing that the guy lets go. The blonde girl just as quickly announces she’s found her contact and the pair quickly leave through the side door. Reva thinks the whole thing is weird, but doesn’t suspect anything major was going on, because she’s too busy being angry that they tried to force her to help find a stupid contact lens [Your lack of compassion came in handy for once, Reva!].
In the Plymouth, Danny, who’s ‘an older, flabbier version of Pres,’ insists they should just kill Reva since she’s already stuffed up their kidnapping plan twice. Diane explains how stupid that plan is [Pot, meet kettle], since the whole point is to gain ransom money. They have to come up with a new plan now, especially since Reva has now seen both Pres’ and Diane’s faces… but she hasn’t seen Danny’s!
Diane suggests that Danny wait in the stockroom, where she knows through Pres that Reva works from 3pm-5pm each day, ‘”throw a coat over her head or something, and drag her out to us in the car.”‘ It seems like a good plan, since the guard barely does his job properly and there’s lots of shelves and cartons for Danny to hide behind in the stockroom until showtime, but Danny isn’t willing to put his neck on the line for the measly $5,000 they’d promised him [Why settle for the crumbs when you can get a whole slice?]. $10,000 isn’t even enough – Danny wants one third of whatever ransom amount they get, and seeing no other choice, the others quickly agree:
“And if the Dalby girl messes me up,” Danny said, a strange smile forming on his puffy face, “if she messes me up, I’ll kill her. I really will.”
[We should be so lucky, Danny] What I’m assuming is later that night, Reva receives a phone call from a distraught Pam, who’s upset about Victor breaking their date for tonight. Apparently he had to watch his little brother, but when Pam tried to call him, his brother told her Victor had gone out! Reva adds more fuel to the flames, warning Pam that she needs to be careful of good-looking guys:
“The way he checked me out when we met the other day, I could tell a few things about your friend Victor.” Reva smiled to herself, enjoying her little game, deliberately toying with Pam, knowing that she was giving her cousin more to worry about.
Why do I enjoy teasing Pam so much? Reva asked herself. Is it because she’s such a perfect victim?
Pam is suspicious that Reva knows more than she’s letting on, especially because Reva somehow knows this is the second date Victor’s broken with Pam, but Reva just gaslights her and tells her she’s got to go. Hanging up the phone, Reva hurries back to the living room where Victor’s waiting for her, and it’s not much longer before they’re swapping spit on the couch once more. Reva feels insincerely sorry for her cousin, and thinks about telling her Victor isn’t worth it… ‘or maybe it would be better to let her find out on her own.’
Meanwhile in Waynesbridge, Diane calls Danny to let him know that stupid idiot Pres got himself arrested after a beating someone up [Is Pres one of the hard dudes from Waynesbridge?]. Since neither of them have any money to bail him out, they agree to continue with tomorrow’s kidnapping themselves, and Danny warns that he ‘”can’t put up with any slipups.”‘ His words linger with Diane as they hang up because she knows how dangerous Danny can be when he loses control, and she wonders if bringing Danny into the plan was a big mistake [The whole plan is a big mistake, you idiot].
We jump to the next afternoon as Diane is pulling up to the loading dock that opens to the stockroom. She’s the only person around once a delivery truck leaves, and she’s super nervous about the plan, aware that so many things could go wrong. She’s also mad at Pres for getting himself locked up and forcing her and Danny to do all the work, and isn’t so sure that he’ll be rewarded with a third of the money now that he’s not contributing [Yeah, he definitely doesn’t deserve any. I love how quick she is to turn on her boyfriend of three years hahaha]. A police officer approaches the car [Why is there a random policeman here?] to tell her she can’t park here, and will have to move over to the parking lot. He doesn’t care about any of her excuses either, so Diane has no choice and starts driving away, saddened by the outcome:
Loser. The word flared into her mind. I’m a loser.
Pres and Danny and I, we’re all losers.
[Where’s the lie? 👀 ] Luckily for her, there’s a car crash in the parking lot and the policeman rushes over to help, ordering Diane to be gone by the time he gets back.
At the same time as this is happening with Diane, Danny’s hiding behind some big crates in the stockroom wearing a ski cap over his face, on the lookout for the soon-to-be victim. He’s got a bad headache, which is a common thing with him, and apparently they get so bad that he gets super angry and literally sees red [Don’t want to see a doctor about that, Danny? Although Americans can’t really afford healthcare, can they :(]. His headache is only getting worse, and he’s praying that Reva shows up soon before the red anger takes over, for her own good [Wow, not victim blaming already!]. Unfortunately Shadyside’s least favourite redhead is as unpunctual as ever, so by the time she enters the stockroom, everything in Danny’s vision has turned red [I looked it up, apparently it’s a genuine thing? Crazy].
He sneaks up behind Reva and throws a large coat over her head, wrapping it tightly around her face to muffle her screams. Reva puts up a struggle, but a quick punch to the head knocks her unconscious, and Danny drags her out to the car at the same time the policeman rushes off to the parking lot, and Diane floors it out of there, straight back to Waynesbridge. She couldn’t be happier with the success of this kidnapping attempt and can’t wait for the trio to be millionaires after Mr. Dalby forks over the ransom money for his daughter [They only want $1 million, which will be split three ways, so really, none of them will be millionaires lol], because ‘now nothing can go wrong.’ [Doesn’t Diane know that thinking like that means something will go wrong?]
The next day, Diane and Danny are at the apartment while Reva’s tied up, bound and gagged in another room. They’re discussing what they’ll do with their looming influx of wealth, and the first thing Danny plans to do is get a tattoo, to which Diane sarcastically replies ‘”You always had a lot of class,”‘ [What’s with all this hatred for tattoos, Stine?!]. Danny is curious why they haven’t heard from Pres yet, and Diane reminds him not to say names in case Reva overhears. Six short sentences later, though, stupid Diane calls Danny by his name, because I guess there’s different rules for her?
Anyway, it’s time to call Mr. Dalby now, having waited 24 hours because ‘”sometimes rich people are so busy making money, they don’t know if their family is missing or not.”‘ [Wow, that is very deep] Diane heads out to use a payphone at the mall, and we then cut to Robert Dalby, who’s reading a copy of the ‘Wall Street Journal’ by the fireplace when the phone rings:
“Mr. Dalby,” said the young woman, very stern and businesslike, “I … uh … I have your daughter. She’s okay and everything. I … I called to tell you what you need to do to get her back. It will cost you a million dollars, see. Don’t worry. We have your daughter, safe and sound.”
“No, you don’t,” Robert Dalby replied. “My daughter, Reva, is sitting right here with me.”
[Wow, how did I not see that coming?! I should have known. They must have Pam! Come to think of it, does Danny even know what Reva looks like? How was he supposed to know who to kidnap?] Reva hears her father’s side of the conversation and moves closer to him to eavesdrop, and on the other end of the phone, Diane’s whole world seems to crumble as Mr. Dalby repeats that Reva’s at his side right now – ‘”You will not get a penny from me. You have kidnapped the wrong girl!”‘ [Merry Christmas, Diane!].
Part 2 – Another Kidnapping
[Will they gonna get the right girl this time?] We jump to Pam now who, as expected, is blindfolded, bound and gagged at the apartment, terrified of all the possibilities that could happen next. She’s certain this is some kind of mix-up and the kidnappers thought they had Reva Dalby in here – ‘And now will I have to DIE because of Reva?’ [Praying for you, Pam!].
Soon, Pam starts hearing her two captors arguing through the thin walls of the apartment. The girl [Pam doesn’t know who kidnapped her, so I won’t use their names when we’re following her view of things] is insisting the mix-up isn’t her fault, although the angry-sounding guy insists it is her mistake because she’d been inside the store with Pres during the previous kidnapping attempt [I love how they they’re always like “no names!” but keep namedropping anyway], so how did she not see what Reva looked like? [Even if she did see what Reva looked like, Diane isn’t the one who grabbed Pam, Danny is, so it’s literally his fault]? Reva had been wearing a giant floppy hat that I didn’t mention because it didn’t seem important, hiding her face, and besides, the girl was searching the ground for her imaginary contact, so it’s not like she had a chance to see Reva’s face [So Diane doesn’t even know what Reva looks like? How do you plan to kidnap a specific person, and have no idea what they look like?]
The kidnappers enter the room and remove Pam’s gag, demanding to know who she is. Pam explains she’s Reva’s cousin, but their families aren’t close so there’s no way her uncle will pay to get her back [Oof, poor Pam]. The female kidnapper believes Pam’s telling the truth, and suggests to her accomplice that they just let her go:
“Huh? Let her go?” The man reacted with angry disbelief. “No way. Uh-uh. No way! We can’t let her go. We have no choice. We have to kill her.”
[Pam hasn’t seen what either of them look like, or her location, so letting her go shouldn’t be an issue. Murder is a much worse crime than kidnapping, after all, and there’s probably less chance of getting caught without the evidence of a dead body being found, right?] The next night Reva’s on the phone to Victor, who’s feeling guilty about Pam’s disappearance, unlike her:
“I could have been kidnapped,” Reva interrupted. She tugged down the sleeves of her pale blue cashmere sweater. “Can you imagine? It was supposed to be me! If I hadn’t convinced Pam to take my shift in the stockroom, it would have been me! What a thought! I get chills every time I think about it.”
“Can’t you think about Pam for once?” Victor replied sharply.
“Of course. I feel terrible for her,” Reva said unconvincingly. She raised the back of her hand and studied her nails.
[Classic Reva!] The police have no leads in the case, and unfortunately Dad’s strict principles prevent him from paying any ransom for his niece because ‘”it only encourages other kidnappers.”‘ [I’m sure it’ll be a different story if Reva is taken, though. What an ass] Reva believes the kidnappers will let Pam go once they realise she’s not worth any money, so she’s sure it’ll all be fine anyway.
Reva’s also all alone in the house because Dad had to fly out on a work trip, but there’a a patrol car that comes by every half hour to check on her [What the fuck? Someone wants to kidnap your daughter so you leave her alone in the house with no protection? Someone could easily grab her before the next patrol car drives by?]. Victor is happy to come over and keep her company, but Reva’s grown bored of him by now and declines his offer [And she does it politely? Well, polite for her].
Reva tells Victor about a nightmare she had last night where she was all alone in an empty mall, being chased by someone who wanted to kidnap her. When he finally caught up to her and Reva got a glimpse of him, it was Santa Claus [Is this the scene depicted on the cover? That’s disappointing, I wanted a real criminal Santa 🥲 ]!
Suddenly Reva hears a car door slam and the squeal of car tyres, and peeks out the window to see a large object at the bottom of her driveway [Must be Pam!]. She hangs up the phone and heads outside to investigate where sure enough, Pam’s limp body is sprawled across the driveway.
Pam quickly comes to and Reva helps her inside, laying her down on the couch to rest. Pam explains how she was blindfolded and tied up the whole time, so she didn’t get a good look at the kidnappers, and mentions how careful they were not to use names [They weren’t that careful? And we know Pam heard Danny say Pres’ name? Although he wasn’t there with them at the time, so I guess it’s not that helpful anyway].
She tells Reva how they argued about killing her, but eventually decided to dump her and flee to Canada to lay low for a while [Or is that what they want you both to think? 🤔 Actually, wouldn’t it be a fun twist if Pam offered to hand Reva over to them in return for her own life?! Maybe that’s what’s happened!]. Reva assures her she’s safe now [She actually seems to care about Pam for once], but soon they hear footsteps in the hall [!!!] and Reva remembers she left the front door wide open [God, it’s like Reva wants to be kidnapped! Probably couldn’t handle all the attention Pam was getting from it].
Pam’s terrified that the kidnappers have returned, but it’s just Victor, who’d only expected to find Reva here and is pleasantly surprised by Pam’s presence. Reva’s amused that Pam doesn’t even question why Victor is here, but Reva’s fine with this reunion since it saves her the trouble of having to dump Victor.
On Saturday afternoon, which happens to be the Saturday before Christmas, Reva heads to the Division Street Mall to buy Christmas presents, and the first stop is a jewellery store with ‘an entire wall of earrings, mostly plastic and glass’:
Reva knew she would never shop in a store like this for herself. But when it came to buying presents for others, she never liked to spend a lot of money.
She stared at the wall of earrings. These earrings are all so tacky, Reva thought, examining a pair shaped like little Hershey bars. But they’re perfect for Pam.
[It’s so weird to me that some rich people aren’t generous with their money when buying gifts. But I guess you don’t stay rich by being generous, do you? I can’t wait for something bad to happen to Reva again, she needs to be knocked down several more pegs than last year] Reva notices a good-looking young man in a black trench coat and blue-lensed sunglasses watching her. He sort of looks like Elvis [Surely this can’t be Pres, right? She saw Pres with Diane that time, so she would recognise him? Two Elvis lookalikes in one book is suss, though], and Reva’s sure he’d just been staring at her.
She goes to several more stores, and the same guy seems to visit each one. She tries to brush it off but he’s definitely following her, so she tries to lose him in the food court and heads for the parking garage [Bitch, go find a security guard! Or at least stay amongst a crowd! Don’t go somewhere dark and secluded!]. She’s terrified now, suspecting the kidnappers told Pam they were heading to Canada to throw everyone off – ‘Are they planning to grab me next?’ [Yes, and they were planning to grab you from the start, you div].
I guess nothing ever comes of that chase scene, because we jump to what I’m assuming is the next day, where Reva’s working at the perfume counter and judging customers:
She raised her eyes to a woman who had been trying to get her attention for nearly five minutes. Look at the nose on this woman, Reva thought scornfully. You could hang a coat on it. Haven’t you heard of plastic surgery, lady?
[Reva is pure trash and I simultaneously love and hate her. Also, I’d love to know how that woman was trying to get her attention for five minutes without succeeding… I know Reva was probably ignoring her, but surely you’d give up before five minutes, or like, grab her or something?] Reva briefly does her job and helps the woman find a new perfume, silently insulting her the whole time of course, but spots Pam approaching and quickly palms the lady off to poor Francine, who’s already dealing with three customers.
Reva rushes off to meet her cousin, shocked that she’s back at work so soon, but Pam couldn’t take extra time off work to recover because she really needs the money [Poor thing. Literally]. To Reva’s surprise, Pam invites her over tonight to trim the tree with her family. Reva knows she’ll ‘be bored out of my mind’ but accepts the offer anyway and tries to match Pam’s enthusiasm, feeling guilty about he recent ordeal [This is 100% a ruse and Pam is helping the kidnappers get Reva. I just know it!].
Later that night, Reva pulls up to her cousin’s house and heads for the porch, where Pam had come out to greet her. Reva spots a shadow moving around the side of the house and hears breathing behind her before a gloved hand clamps over her mouth:
Something heavy was pulled over her head. Something wool and scratchy.
A blanket?
“Hey—I can’t see!” she cried, her voice muffled under the weight of the blanket.
An arm swept around her waist, grabbed her tightly.
“Stop!” she heard Pam shriek. “Hey—help! Help!”
With a choked gasp Pam’s cries were cut off.
[OK so I guess there’s the strong possibility that Pam isn’t in on it, but I still 100% think she is. She’s poor, after all, and it’s not like Reva treats her well, so why not align herself with the kidnappers and make shit load of money for Christmas?] Reva fights back, elbowing her attacker in the face, but he recovers quickly and shoves her back down the driveway. Terrified, Reva manages to lift a corner of the blanket and sees that they’re kidnapping Pam too [Assuming Pam is in on it, why did they need to fake kidnap her too? It makes sense for plot purposes, because obviously it’ll be a big reveal at some point, but realistically, she should have just stayed inside and pretended to be none the wiser]. She also gets a glimpse of the car they’re being taken to, ‘a beat-up old Plymouth,’ [Pres’ car!] before the blanket is shoved back over her head, preventing her from seeing the kidnappers.
Reva does, however, hear three separate voices that she works out is two guys, one older and one younger [So I guess Pres is out of jail… for now!], and a girl. After being shoved into the back of the car, Reva’s hands are bound behind her back and she gets a glimpse of the older guy when he takes off the blanket to fasten a blindfold around her eyes, but doesn’t recognise him. She also hears him refer to the younger guy as Pres as the kidnappers get in the car and drive off.
Reva is absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen to her, especially when she realises they know her name [Of course they do? You know they were after you when they kidnapped Pam, you idiot]. She decides they took Pam again to try get more money for both girls’ safe return, and while she’s sure Dad will pay the money [Oh, so now he’ll believe in ransoms? I hope he sticks to his morals again], she wonders if the kidnappers will actually let them go or murder them once they have the cash [I’d murder Reva, return Pam xx].
The older guy [Danny!], who’s in the backseat with our heroines, turns out to be the one Reva elbowed, because he starts complaining about his busted lip and how it’s triggering a headache:
“I want to kill her. I really do,” the man insisted calmly. His words were slightly slurred. Reva guessed it was because of the split lip she’d given him.
“Well … maybe you’ll get your chance,” the boy replied casually.
[I know Reva survives because there’s a third book after this, but we can still dream, can’t we?] The car stops after a while and the girls are marched into a room with a concrete floor, and from the echoing of their footsteps, Reva can tell it’s a large room. They continue walking, and soon Reva smells a familiar scent – they’re in Dalby’s Department Store [OK so they’ve clearly come in through the store room, but why was the door left open? And why did they bring them here in the first place?]!
‘Silent Night’ is playing softly over the sound system, because of course it is, and after Pres apparently knocks out a security guard or two, the girls’ blindfolds are removed and Reva sees her captors clearly for the first time. She recognises the young guy and girl from a few days ago, [And in typical Shadyside-girl-in-danger fashion, she thinks Pres is cute], but she’s never seen the older guy before [Maybe whoever chased her through the mall Saturday night was a detective assigned to watch over her, and she’s not supposed to know? Although he wasn’t very subtle about it]. Reva also spots a silver pistol in the man’s hand as she and Pam are taken to a storeroom on the fifth floor that clearly hasn’t been used in a while, judging by the layers of dust everywhere.
Reva demands they untie her hands because the cord is really hurting her wrists, insisting that since they’re after money from her father, they should treat her with ‘”a little respect, a little dignity,”‘ [What does Reva know about treating people with respect and dignity?🥴 ]. The man is super angry now and storms over to Reva, and the girls learn his name when the female kidnapper calls him Danny, trying to calm him down. He’s raging too hard, though, and grabs Reva’s arm, jerking it up so hard that the bone snaps [Oof].
Reva passes out from the white hot pain that overwhelms her body and when she comes to, she and Pam are tied to chairs and the pain in her lifeless arm has thankfully subsided a bit. The female kidnapper is angry at Danny for losing control, but he’s all like ‘”Give me a break, Diane,”‘ so finally everyone knows everyone’s names.
Apparently Reva hasn’t learned her lesson about who’s in charge and demands to know why they’re in her father’s store of all places. ‘”It’s the last place anyone would look,”‘ says Diane, who also reveals the girls will be left right here, tied and gagged, after the kidnappers have the money. Danny still thinks they should just kill Reva and Pam, but Pres assures him they’ll be so far away that it won’t matter that the girls have seen their faces and know their names, suggesting the girls might not even be found for at least a week [Surely if they just scream during opening hours, someone will hear them. There’s stores on the fifth floor, so there’s bound to be lots of foot traffic].
Diane also likens the situation to a movie for like the 406898557776th time in the book, making Reva wonder if she really thinks they’re in a film. Diane instructs Pres to ensure the girls’ restraints are tight enough and then heads for the door, planning to go call Mr. Dalby from another room, but Pam has other ideas, insisting Diane untie her:
“Let me go. Come on, Diane. You promised. You promised if I got you Reva, you’d let me go!”
Unlike me, Reva is shocked by Pam’s betrayal, demanding to know how she could do something like that. Turns out that when Reva mentioned knowing Victor broke two dates with Pam, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together, and she immediately realised that Reva was the reason for both instances. Pam can’t believe Reva would do that to her knowing full well Pam’s in love with Victor [Omg Pam, you’ve known him for a month, shut up]. Reva tries to lie about it but quickly admits it wasn’t anything serious:
“You did that to me, and it was just some kind of joke to you?” Pam whispered shrilly. “Just some kind of casual joke? That’s worse, Reva. Much worse.”
[I’m still #TeamPam] Reva genuinely can’t think of a reason why she did it either, especially since she didn’t even like Victor that much to begin with [Everything’s just a game to this bitch]. To make matters worse, Pam was then kidnapped by accident and Reva’s father wouldn’t even pay a dime for the return of ‘”a lowly niece,”‘ [That’s seriously so cold-hearted], so Pam really had nothing to lose and made a deal with the kidnappers for her freedom:
“They offered you money?” Reva asked.
Pam glared at her scornfully. “Money? That’s all you can think about, isn’t it, Reva. Money and other people’s boyfriends.” She scowled. “No. They didn’t offer me money. They didn’t have to.”
“You mean—” Reva started.
“They offered to let me go. They offered to let me go home safe and sound—if I agreed to help them grab you. And I thought, why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I think of myself for a change?”
[Oh, so Pam wasn’t in it for money, she just wanted to get back at Reva! Honestly, love that. She must have been real mad to actually go through with it after being released too hahaha. I still don’t really get why Pam needed to be kidnapped this time around, though. Reva never would have found it about her role in it if Pam wasn’t here with her] Reva can’t believe Pam would do that to her own flesh and blood [Reva, shut the fuck up], but Pam is like ‘”How could you?”‘ before justifying that she knew nothing bad would happen because Reva’s father would pay any amount for his daughter’s return.
Tears brim Pam’s eyes as she reminds Reva of the promise she made last year to change and be like a sister to Pam. Reva insists that she tried [For like two seconds, I’m sure], but Pam doesn’t want to hear any excuses and turns her attention to the kidnappers, demanding they untie her, but of course they have no intention of fulfilling their end of the bargain [Honestly, what did you expect, Pam?].
Pam continues to scream at them to let her go, warning she won’t stop until she’s released [Sounds like she wants a broken arm too!], so Danny storms right on over to her and slaps her across the face ‘so hard, it sounded like a gunshot.’ [Ouch. I don’t know why she thought she was in any position to make demands anyway]. Pam’s eyes are wide open as her head rolls back before she makes a gurgling sound and slumps forward, eyes closed and lifeless.
She comes to pretty quickly again, much to Reva’s relief, and Diane returns from making the call to Mr. Dalby, taking the boys out to the hall to fill them in on the conversation without the girls hearing. They turn off the light and shut the door behind them, literally leaving the girls in the dark. Pam quickly apologises for her role in all this, and Reva also offers a sincere apology for her own behaviour [Besties again! At least until next year lol].
Even though the trio said they’re just going to leave the girls here, Pam suspects Danny will kill them anyway, and he’s probably trying to convince the others to do things his way right now! Luckily, Pam’s binds aren’t that tight, either because Pres went easy on her because of her cooperation, or he simply messed up [Probably that], and she makes quick work of getting herself and Reva free.
They head towards the wall by the door, hoping that their tormentors will walk straight past them, giving the girls a chance to run. Reva knows the fifth floor well and believes they’re currently behind Santa’s World, where there should be lots of places to hide among the tall shelves of toys. Soon, Pres opens the door and takes a few steps inside, inadvertently allowing the girls to dash out the door and head right. Danny and Diane are stunned for a few seconds, but soon all three kidnappers are chasing after them.
The girls decide to split up in separate directions when they arrive on the selling floor because that’s most definitely 100% always the best thing to do, and it appears that Danny and Diane go after Pam while Pres is hot on Reva’s tail [I’m surprised she can even run so fast with a broken arm just swinging around so lifelessly. And it would fkn hurt, too!]. She somehow manages to lose him and bumps into Pam, who’s also lost her pursuers, and the two girls continue to sneak quietly towards the back of the store.
They’re quickly spotted by Pres and Diane and take off running and soon reach the employee elevators [Are they still broken? Why is there no out of order sign? Lol]. Reva presses the button to bring the elevator to them, but then remembers they’re dodgy and pulls Pam away to hide behind a nearby pillar. The girls pray that Pres and Diane will think they’ve gone down and will go after them, which is exactly what happens when our Bonnie and Clyde wannabes reach the elevator just as the left elevator’s doors slide open – they jump straight into the elevator at the same time ‘and dropped to their deaths.’
Except that last part was just in Reva’s head, and Pres and Diane step straight back out of the elevator, because Diane points out the girls ‘”didn’t have time to take the elevator”‘ since they weren’t that far in front of them. They head off to continue searching the fifth floor as the elevator heads back down without them, and Reva’s pissed that someone had the audacity to fix the elevators already [I mean they could still be broken and just very temperamental, right? And the whole no signage thing is a lawsuit waiting to happen!].
The girls press the button again to bring the elevator back up, but Diane and Pres must have heard it because they come running just as the left elevator reaches the fifth floor again. Before the girls can dash inside to safety, a man steps out of the elevator toward them, blocking their escape. As Reva recognises the blue sunglasses and the black trench coat from the guy who stalked her at the mall, the newcomer raises a black-gloved hand and points a small pistol at Reva [I bet he’s pointing behind her. He’s definitely some kind of cop or bodyguard or something].
He quickly pushes past the girls and raises the pistol to Pres and Diane, ordering them to freeze because he’s the FBI [The FBI?! In Shadyside?!]! He takes off after them as they sprint back to the toy aisles, declaring they won’t escape because ‘”I have backup downstairs!”‘ [You should have brought some of them upstairs, idiot. Also, where’s Danny?]
Pam’ super relieved it’s all over now, but she’s jumping the gun a bit because Danny steps out of the aisle now, his own pistol raised at the girls. He warns them not to try anything as he presses the elevator button, insisting they’re not going to ruin his Christmas!
The elevator on the right’s doors open [Oh, this one’s probably still broken] and he orders the girls inside, but Pam has other ideas, bravely making a grab for his gun. They fall to the floor wrestling over the weapon, and Pam manages to get the other hand. Danny bats the gun out of her hands, though, and it goes sliding across the floor, stopping by a display case. Pam makes a mad dash for it, but Danny decides to cut his losses and scram:
With a loud groan he jumped up quickly and lumbered into the open elevator.
Reva shut her eyes tight. She heard Danny scream all the way down.
The scream ended four floors below in a sickening splat.
It was a sound Reva knew she would never forget.
Reva realises that only the left elevator must have been fixed [Knew it], and assures Pam that her bravery just saved their lives [She doesn’t say thank you, though. Bitch]. The left elevator opens again and four more FBI agents storm out, asking if the girls are OK.
A short while later, Diane and Pres are captured and lead away in handcuffs, and the agent in the blue sunglasses, Agent Barkley, drives the girls to the hospital. On the way, he reveals that the police knew where they were thanks to the number revealer on the Dalby’s home phone – ‘”The readout that identifies the phone number of the person calling.”‘ [Reva had caller ID before it was caller ID!]. The store’s phone number appeared on the screen when Diane made the call, and when the FBI arrived, they split up to search the different levels. Agent Barkley had noticed the elevator heading up to the fifth floor after the girls had first called it, and rode it back up when it returned to the ground floor.
They arrive at the hospital where the girls’ parents are waiting for them, as well as Victor, who wraps Pam in a great big hug [Pam, know your worth, girl]. With all loose ends tied up, the book can finally end with one last Christmas reference:
Stepping into the bright glare of the waiting room, Reva stopped. What was that song, that song on the speaker above the reception desk?
It was “Silent Night.”
“Silent Night.” Of course.
Final thoughts
This book was very similar to the first one, with the intertwining separate Reva and would-be criminals’ storylines, but unfortunately it wasn’t as good as I remember that one being. It kind of seemed like a rehash of what happened last year, but less exciting.
Even though I saw it coming, I did really enjoy the twist of Pam being a brief semi-antagonist, especially because it further established the stark differences between her and Reva – Reva has everything she could ever want but is super greedy and cruel to others, while Pam has absolutely nothing but still wasn’t motivated by money or even jealousy, instead plotting against Reva as payback for her continuous abhorrent behaviour. It shows that even the kindest, most cheerful people have their breaking points. And even then, she didn’t think Reva would be in any real danger, so it was more making her scared. And let’s be real, Reva deserved everything she got! She’s still that bitch we love to hate, though!
Character-wise, I feel like none of these people were as fleshed out as they could have been. They all seemed a bit one-note, including Reva – I get that she’s supposed to be back to her old ways, but I think she really needed to have at least some redeeming qualities compared to last year. Yeah, she was friendlier towards Pam (to her face at least), but as our protagonist, it would have been nice if, at the very least, we saw her feel bad about hooking up with Victor or Pam getting kidnapped.
Also, I’m mad about the cover not being a genuine scene in the book! I was really hoping there’d be a killer Santa on the loose or something. Oh well.
The first book was about a robbery, this one was about a kidnapping, so will the third one involve step it up further and involve actual murder? Find out here!
41 pairs of tacky earrings that are just perfect for Pam out of 65!
